Some Pitfalls in Youth Ministry

It has been 12 years since my graduation from Southern Wesleyan.  12 years since my interview and hiring at Central First Wesleyan Church as the youth pastor.  I have learned many lessons in those 12 years.  Some I have applied effectively and some I have not.  I guess today is a confession of those lessons I still have trouble applying.

1.  I am up front too much.  From the announcement to worship to speaking-I am always the one talking.  There have got to be other faces and voices in front of the group besides mine.  There isn’t because I hold onto things too tightly.  Instead of taking the time to train others and release their ministry potential, I just do it myself.  This can lead to burnout.  Ideally, Wednesdays would run like sunday mornings with others doing their roles and me doing mine.  Yeah, I’ve known this for a while, but haven’t done anything about it.  Chances are, you haven’t either.  If you have, add some dialogue in the comments.

2.  I drive too much.  I love driving the church van, but how much conversation am I missing out on in the back?  What if our youth group had “designated drivers” for different events which allowed me more bonding time with the kids?  What if I could have been in the middle of conversations all the way out to South Dakota?  Just a thought.

3.  Most of us have an hour a week for our main youth rally.  I used to feel bad when I would speak longer than 15 minutes.  Sometimes, I have felt like there has been an effort to cram too much stuff into that hour instead of building every thing that happens within that hour around a common theme/goal.  We are supplementing our Wednesday night meeting with a Sunday night Bible study that gets deeper into the word so that Wednesdays can be more topical.  Brad Cooper challenged me at Unleash this year when he said,”We do two things on Wednesday:  worship and the Word.  That’s it.  That involves some small group time, but we leverage our time towards those 2 things.”  I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m not going to feel guilty about preaching the Word for longer than 15 minutes.

4.  I don’t keep my wife in the loop enough.  An event may have been on my calendar for months, but it needs to be on her calendar first.  We are still trying to figure out how to do this electronically.  Women like surprises, but not that you have a cook-out at your house and people will be arriving in 15 minutes.  It’s called communication, and I shouldn’t get upset if I have to tell her about youth group stuff more than once.  How many times does she have to ask me to take care of the garbage?

5.  I don’t act my age.  I need more sleep than I’m getting.  I need to eat healthier than I’m eating.  On average, we put on several pounds a year just because we’re getting older.  Add that to what I already need to lose and it’s enough to make one relapse on Mountain Dew(oops, too late).  My 5 year old twins know I’m not supposed to be drinking it and they are quick to remind me.  It’s not about living slower, but living smarter.  You young pups would be wise to lay off the dang pizza before it’s too late.  It’s called metabolism and mine left the buidling with Elvis.

My to do list:

1.  Get a babysitter for Friday night.

2.  PIck up tickets for Grasshopper’s game

3.  Plan games for camp.

4.  Make 3 business calls.

5.  Set up sanctuary for praise band practice.

6.  Call Tuggle about camp worship songs.

7.  Return movies and books to library.

8.  Finish SFD Road Trip stuff.

9.  Pick up kids for the CHAMP Center.

10.  Haircut and workout.

11.  Get in bed before 11.

12.  Scrap my to do list and enjoy a day with the Drake.

First Impressions

We went to Mi Pueblo, a Mexican restaurant in Lexington on Mother’s Day.  We chose to eat on the patio waited patiently for our server.  Here’s what happened in the time it took him to actually take our order.
1.    Karen took the girls to the bathroom.
2.    Drake was in the high chair long enough that he got tired of it so I got him out and took him to the van to get some coloring books and toys.
3.    I started sweating since my back was in the sun.
4.    Karen and I both needed and received drink refills from our server.
When I got back to the table with Drake I asked Karen if our order had been taken.  She said no, but the server came right then.  There is usually a point when I put on the “5 minute clock.”  If our order hasn’t been taken in that time then we leave.  We have left a few restaurants over the years who’ve failed to get the job done.  Now, I don’t start the clock when we’re first seated so I’m not being unreasonable.  The food was great at Mi Pueblo’s.  It was the best burrito I’ve ever eaten.  It did not feel like the cookie cutter menu item that many Mexican restaurant’s serve.  The kids all cleaned their plates.  Then it took forever to get our bill.  Dude, when 3 kids get restless, you gotta get moving.  The kids had been great, but they had been asked to sit and be still an awfully long time due to our service delays.  Bottom line:  I don’t know if we’re gonna go back.  They had one shot and they blew it.  The one thing they have going for them is that they’re the closest Mexican restaurant to us.
Now, this whole episode made me think about the  church.  How many times have first time guests left disappointed with their experience?  How many times have we blown our one shot?  People’s souls are far more important than chips and salsa, but are we swinging for the fences every time we open the doors or just mailing it in every now and then?  Now, contrast Sunday’s experience with Monday night.  I went to pick up some pizza and breadsticks at Papa’s Pizza.  I paid the bill and got in the van.  Right before I pulled out of the parking lot, the cashier caught my attention.  He told me he realized he didn’t give me the special price and owed me money.  I followed him back in and he gave me back $4.  I hadn’t caught the mistake, but this guy chased me down when he did.  Their pizza is not the best every time, but it’s service like that which creates customer loyalty.  I wonder if churches offered an “hour back guarantee” if people would come knowing that if they didn’t like the service then they could get their hour back.  We’ve got to treat every week like it’s our only opportunity to make a first and lasting impression.

Weekend Wrap Up

1.  As a Trekkie, I loved the new Star Trek.  I think it was a succesful relaunch of the series and we will probably see at least 2 more movies with this cast.  Hopefully, one of them will involve Klingons.

2.  FUEL was great.  Matt Rhodes and Scott Simmons did a great job planning.  Andy Roy leads worship in a way that puts all the emphasis on God and Josh LeRoy pulled no punches and was very transparent.  Great to catch up with the SC crew.  Last year, we had 170 at the one at HQ.  This year there were close to 300 gathered at the 4 Area FUELS.  Though I like the ones with everyone involved, it seems like we need to do what reaches the most people.  Wherever and whatever we do, I will be there as Matt’s unofficial assistant and late night activities coordinator.

3.  Gonna blog about the Epicenter in downtown Charlotte sometime this week.  Somebody had a vision and has turned it into a fortune.  I have never seen so many youth pastors get carded in my life, but it was for the bowling alley and movie theater.  The night lifestyle costs a lot and not all of it is financial.  For many of the people we encountered, their drunken state was the highlight of their day/week.  We all agreed that if not for the grace of God, that’s where we would be too.

4.  I have to have a hard conversation with someone this week.  I could pass it off to someone else, but I feel like it’s my responsibility.  It’s about Competence more than Character.  They’re just not getting the job done.  I will have to get “permission” to have this conversation, but it must be done.

5.  Had an interesting experience at Mi Pueblo Mexican restaurant yesterday.  Lousy service, but it was the best burrito I’ve ever eaten.  Again, it deserves a full blog later this week.

6.  Got to make some FHTM business calls this week.

7.  I thought Annie Duke got robbed on the Celebrity Apprentice.  Personally, Mr. Trump, I think the only role models you could find on this show were Clint Black and Herschel Walker.  I don’t remember them cursing anyone or throwing anyone under the bus.  Were Joan Rivers 30 years younger and pulling her act, she would’ve been fired much earlier.  It was reverse ageism I think.  She won because she was old.  My son is older than her face though.

8.  Red Sox got a big win against Tampa Bay last night.  I just hope Pedroia’s injury isn’t that serious.

9.  For some reason, my phone’s ear piece isn’t working and I can only hear calls on speaker phone.  Also, my txt’s won’t go to Twitter anymore.  Not a good thing to happen when you’re out of town.

I’m off to Denton Elementary for lunch with the girls.  It’s pizza day!

Friday Fun

I’m here in Charlotte for the Southern Area FUEL.  So far, Josh LeRoy has presented some hard teaching.  It has not been the rah rah pat on the back kind of stuff.  He has been transparent about his own personal dealings with the subjects he’s addressed:  racial reconciliation and mercy.  Bottom line from Josh has been that if we feed people but fail to share the gospel then we have missed the point.  Lots of John Wesley references.  Appropriate since he is a great example of how to do both effectively.  He shared some personal experiences from his neighborhood including various shootings that have occured.  Josh does not live in New York City.  He lives in Asheboro.  Well, Philip Martin scored us some free breakfast so it’s off to facc what is sure to be an interesting one.  I’m hoping we have a big group go see the new Trek tonight.  We shall see.  I miss my wife and kids.  I will see them in 24.

Wednesday Already?(Almost)

Just been gmail chatting-is that what it’s called-with my boy Tim Kirkpatrick in Austrailia.  I am excited for his adventure there and hope to partner with him for missions trips and the 2011 International Wesleyan Youth Convention.  Lindsay Cameron, if you’re listening, consider this my nomination for Tim to be National Youth President.  Here’s what is up:

1.  Went to a FHTM event in Charlotte this weekend where the company founder spoke.  Got a picture with him and he is a multi-millionaire who actually got my name right.  It was an amazing experience.  He kept saying that the business is not a sit on your fanny deal, but you have to work at it.  The only difference is now you are working your own field instead of someone else’s.  The best thing about this whole business thing has been reconnecting with my childhood buddy, Alan McAlister.  If we could find our Rednecks in Florida video, we would be rich.  The opening scence involved a newspaper, a bathroom, and bass tournament results.

2.  Putting the finishing touches on my roundtable topic for FUEL in Charlotte this weekend.  Get to hang with F. Matt Rhodes and other youth pastors from the south.  Also gonna be working on some Love/Mercy stuff.  As unofficial entertainment director, I have already procured our Thursday night activity and it’s a midnight showing of Star Trek.  Best time ever was in Orlando in the church van singing the blues with B. Hill and Matty Lee.  That was a great night and we met Domique Wilkens and Pervis Ellison.  The best times are always unplanned.

3.  Excited to start a new series at youth tomorrow night, “Life Between the Gutters.”  Can I just say I was disappointed to find out that this two-handed bowler dude is not going granny style?  He’s bowling regularly but with two hands.  Bowl a perfect game granny style and then you can be on Sportscenter.

4.  We have more than twice as many teens going to youth camp than we did last year!  Still got a few to sign up so I’m hoping for at least 20.

5.  My mission trip plans keep falling like flies.  We are on Plan E right now.

6.  Karen sold her first wedding coupon books today!

7.  Hey, let’s try to spread out the Red Sox-Yankees games next year!  They just played a series last week.  Sorry Yankee Fans, but the new stadium will be your undoing.  Ya’ll have as many empty seats as the Marlins(who have 25% the payroll but a much better record).  ARod will return soon, but he will be the “butt” of jokes the rest of his career.  Guess his passing Bonds won’t be so celebrated now will it?  Come on, Pujois!

8.  That’s it.  8 is my limit tonight.  Ghosts of Girlfriends past is good.  I cried.  The last movie I didn’t cry at was Wolverine, but that doesn’t count.  I’m actually crying now.  There was a Kodak commercial.

Love and Marriage

We had several couples renew their wedding vows yesterday at church.  One couple has been married 56 years and were not believers when they were first married.  The way they looked at each other during the ceremony was unforgettable.  With that in mind, here’s a video of a couple(married 62 years) putting on an impromptu piano recital.

5 weeks till go time

5 weeks from right now I will have just completed(or about to complete) my first half marathon.  The training has been slow, fun, frustrating, exhilirating, etc.  I am finding that legs that are designed to carry 150-160 lbs don’t function as well when they are carrying considerably more.  This has hampered the consistency and intensity of my workouts.  The good news is that I am much more active than I was two months ago and (present box of Milk Duds aside) eating much healthier.  So, I’ve got 5 weeks to amp it up and get over the hump.  Speaking of which, gotta run(literally).

The New Facebook

Several weeks ago I started twittering.  Just before that, Facebook changed their look which I didn’t like.  Now, after twittering for close to a month, I’ve grown to like it.  Since setting my Facebook status to coincide with my twitter updates, I have gotten 200% more comments.  So, I think that using the two together can help build more converstation and community.  When people ask me what twitter is, I tell them it’s basically the Facebook status page without all the gifts, pokes and stuff.  Although today, Matt Rhodes got the first Twitter Technical Foul for referencing wesleyan women.  By the way, we are having a contest to name the Twitter Technical Foul.  Send me your suggestions.  It does not have to include the words twitter, technical, foul, or redundant.  Winner gets full credit and something named after them.  Easier to do that than to get “Mullikined.”  Speaking of Facebook, watch this video right now.  Now, I just need someone to show me how to do twitter pics.  Saw something about joining a twibe today.  Looks like twitter is taking a page out of the SWU handbook.  That is to name every event using the letters “S-W-U.”   The SWUperman shirt(anyone know where the template went), the SWUpy’s, SWUper Saturdays, SWUsical, SWUne flu, etc.  I take full responsibility for this as all of this started with an idea Mike Keaton and I had(the before mentioned SWUperman shirt).  Does this mean that all of us on twitter are twits?  I should get a Twechnical for that one.  Ding ding ding…we have a winner.

The Future of the Church

I’ve been thinking about alot of things regarding mega-churches, church plants, denominations, and pastoral changes.  Here are some of them and I would love to get your take.

1.  Vision and long-term commitment seem to be two charicteristics I see in growing church plants.  The pastor is unwavering on the vision God has given them and they are open about the fact they want to be at the church until they retire.  Would you rather attend a church with that kind of leader or one where the pastor is just trying to get a positive vote every 2 to 4 years and doesn’t really do anything to rock the boat.  Are some pastors scared to get a vision from God because it might disrupt things and affect their vote?  I’ve never been in that position and that’s why I’m asking the question.  This leads to my second thought…

2.  A growing trend in larger churches is to have a hand picked successor when the senior pastor/planter retires.  Heard about a big church in Louisville that picked their next Sr. Pastor 5 years in advance.  Seems to be biblical to “pass the mantle” rather than bringing in a stranger to preach a trial sermon.  When a successful Sr. Pastor gives his vote of confidence to the next guy then good things can happen.  Of course, if the pastor wasn’t successful then people are gonna want to look elsewhere.  Of course, having the foresight to “pass the mantle” would require vision and long-term commitment.

3.  I also see churches hiring from within much more than in the past.  Again, it does make sense to bring people on staff who are already sold out to the vision and direction of the church and have been actively plugged in.  Bringing a staff person from the outside can have tremendous results, but is it safer to go with a proven commodity in someone you already know and trust?

4.  I guess my point is if every year we see the church in decline then what are we doing to change that?  I’ve heard it said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  What would it look like for the Wesleyan denomination to adapt some of its procedures to follow a pattern that seems to be working?  Or we can keep shuffling the deck every few years and getting the same results.  Just some thoughts.  Am I way off base in my thinking?  Why do we often lack the vision and passion needed to reach the world for Christ?